Writer's Block: If these walls could talk

[wytchcroft]

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Surprising as it may sound, I don't actually dream of owning a home in which a brutal murder has taken place, or a non brutal murder come to that.

On the other hand it wouldn't put me off. The neighbours might though.

"Oh ye daft wee Wytch the feckin’ place is haunted I tell ye!"

A blood curdling silence...

Wytch lights a cigarette...

Puff. puff.

Wytch adopts the usual level stare and accent of the Londoner. "Haunted? Pull the other one!"

"No, no, I’m telling ye it's -"

Wytch stomps inside to call the men in white coats and abandons all PC propriety.

"Get these fuckers out of here and make it snappy!"

Three weeks later and a moaning comes through the house...
uhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooh oooooooo uuuuuuuh...

"Do you bloody mind, I’m trying to hack up my lungs already, it’s bloody six a.m. push off!" Koff! Hack!

A slow rattling of chains accompanied by squishy footsteps...

"But don't you see, yonder phony Scottish neighbours were right! For I was horribly murdered upon a Whitsun eclipse when -"

"Like I give a monkey’s. Can it, Marley - unless you can make yourself useful."

"But I was foully wronged and -"

"And what? You want counselling? I charge for that! Why the 666 do you want to offload now?"

"Well... I... I – I… uh, actually it does seem a bit lame, thinking about it, what with being back from the dead and everything. Now you've made me lose my self esteem - I’m angry!!"

Angry rattling of chains and flailing ectoplasmic limbs.

Wytch leaps up, hair on end.

"Do... that - do that... AGAIN!"

Spook obliges. Wytch's pupils dilate.

"Oh... My... God... that's... grrreat!" Rushes off to find sampler. "I think we're onto something here!"

Three weeks later and the album is rush released to great acclaim for it's haunting melodies, ghostly vocals and entrancing pop hooks.
Wytch is smug.

"Natasha Khan I’m coming for YOU!"

Jumps on horse and gallops into the mire.

"Oh bollocks. bloody.. mire... glug, glug."

THE END

.........................................................................

oh by the way i do actually live in a house where the owner kicked the bucket.

it happens.

Comments

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http://wytchcroft.livejournal.com/tag/my+pet+hamster
:))