Welcome to Heaven
Apr. 17th, 2012 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wytchcroftwelcome to Heaven
please remember to follow all instructions
not everything is signposted
and we don't let just anyone in through the gates
there will be refreshments served as this is something of a long tour
those wishing to ignore the sound of harps and hosannas may do so by flipping the channel on the headphones provided
those wishing to smoke may do so below.
a short interval is provided for those wishing to celebrate their arrival -
a little smugness is only natural and, of course, can be
forgiven.
shops are available in the forecourt - what's that? speak up!
oh yes dear, (there's always one isn't there?) postcards are available -
they do have a tendency to get lost in the post (we outsource) but they are available from the shops for a small ectoplasmic charge.
talking of - please refrain from exploring any new found flying, spooking, haunting, furniture juggling, ectoplasm discharging and/or music-making abilities,
getting an over enthusiastic newbie down from the skies celestial, not to mention cleaning the psychic muck off, is, you will appreciate, a bit of a chore.
in any case, those wishing to observe loved ones may do so at any time via the proscribed portholes and remember they will be seeing you soon enough anyway.
please do try to keep in mind that we are non-denominational, non-sexist (for counter arguments and liability please see section 5 of the occasionally glimpsed guide book) and non-specist; in fact we are pretty much "non" when it comes to anything that doesn't involve singing, flying, glowing, and other approved Heavenly activities - but don't worry, you'll get the hang of it and we're an enthusiastic crew, i mean look at where we are right? GO TEAM!
those wishing to observe the birth of creation and/or other, smaller, universal cosmological wonders should have their tokens ready - and for the love of all that's Holy will pet owners please retrieve their cats (and what not) just as soon as possible, the noise they make is like nails on a black board to some of us up here.
you will of course notice that Heaven bears only a superficial resemblance to all and any of the wild speculations, estimations, illustrations and imaginations thereof found in the spheres of your departure (yes dear, yours was Earth, well remembered - prefer Saturn meself but then i'm a grandeur junky)...
it might help to simply remember that whoever and wherever - THEY WERE WRONG.
what's that Mr FLopbble? Yes, you could call them Angels i suppose and they are very pretty i agree, but if i read you right (and my Centaurian is a little rusty) what you're suggesting is a little on the, er, hot side shall we say?
Lastly, please remember just to HAVE A GOOD TIME and if you do enjoy your stay, well, we appreciate nothing so much as positive feedback (the Boss positively adores it) so let us know - and more importantly recommend us to your friends!
If, for any (and entirely irrational) reason you are not happy with any component of the tour simply press the large red button,
i think you know where it goes.
thank you.
..................................................
For Betsy after her poem Welcome to Earth and with love to raven and ana
please remember to follow all instructions
not everything is signposted
and we don't let just anyone in through the gates
there will be refreshments served as this is something of a long tour
those wishing to ignore the sound of harps and hosannas may do so by flipping the channel on the headphones provided
those wishing to smoke may do so below.
a short interval is provided for those wishing to celebrate their arrival -
a little smugness is only natural and, of course, can be
forgiven.
shops are available in the forecourt - what's that? speak up!
oh yes dear, (there's always one isn't there?) postcards are available -
they do have a tendency to get lost in the post (we outsource) but they are available from the shops for a small ectoplasmic charge.
talking of - please refrain from exploring any new found flying, spooking, haunting, furniture juggling, ectoplasm discharging and/or music-making abilities,
getting an over enthusiastic newbie down from the skies celestial, not to mention cleaning the psychic muck off, is, you will appreciate, a bit of a chore.
in any case, those wishing to observe loved ones may do so at any time via the proscribed portholes and remember they will be seeing you soon enough anyway.
please do try to keep in mind that we are non-denominational, non-sexist (for counter arguments and liability please see section 5 of the occasionally glimpsed guide book) and non-specist; in fact we are pretty much "non" when it comes to anything that doesn't involve singing, flying, glowing, and other approved Heavenly activities - but don't worry, you'll get the hang of it and we're an enthusiastic crew, i mean look at where we are right? GO TEAM!
those wishing to observe the birth of creation and/or other, smaller, universal cosmological wonders should have their tokens ready - and for the love of all that's Holy will pet owners please retrieve their cats (and what not) just as soon as possible, the noise they make is like nails on a black board to some of us up here.
you will of course notice that Heaven bears only a superficial resemblance to all and any of the wild speculations, estimations, illustrations and imaginations thereof found in the spheres of your departure (yes dear, yours was Earth, well remembered - prefer Saturn meself but then i'm a grandeur junky)...
it might help to simply remember that whoever and wherever - THEY WERE WRONG.
what's that Mr FLopbble? Yes, you could call them Angels i suppose and they are very pretty i agree, but if i read you right (and my Centaurian is a little rusty) what you're suggesting is a little on the, er, hot side shall we say?
Lastly, please remember just to HAVE A GOOD TIME and if you do enjoy your stay, well, we appreciate nothing so much as positive feedback (the Boss positively adores it) so let us know - and more importantly recommend us to your friends!
If, for any (and entirely irrational) reason you are not happy with any component of the tour simply press the large red button,
i think you know where it goes.
thank you.
..................................................
For Betsy after her poem Welcome to Earth and with love to raven and ana
