The Doctor of Locks - a piece of steampunk tom-foolery

[wytchcroft]

When the Doctor of Locks met the man with the box
he asked “Is it true you're the Master of Shocks?
And is that the reason you wear rubber socks
when digging for dangerous treason and plots?”

“Oh yes,” said the man “I'm the Master of Shocks,
just look at my belt, all the spark plugs I've got.
I could light up a street, or decorate trees
I really can help Xmas festivities!

But it's true my chief purpose is finding out schemes.
That's why I wear earphones - I don't like the screams
but the job must be done for the sake of the Queen.”

Said the Doctor of Locks to the man with the box
“I am heading your way, there's a chap with the pox
who needs to be hidden in a dungeon to rot
no/one should come near a man with the pox!”

Said the Master of Shocks to the Doctor of Locks
“We all have our duty, our burden, our lot
and if we should fail I think we'd be shot!
That's why I must hurry with this box that I’ve got.”

The Doctor of Locks was a cunning old fox
“I'll help you,” he said, “I'll carry your box -
if you do me this favour and head to the docks
there's a package awaiting from a sailor called Knox.

It's a spyglass so powerful it makes planets gleam
in the night sky, the heavens of which we all dream
I think it would make a fair gift for the Queen!

Better than bellows and an old clockwork train…
She didn't like them - that was told to me plain!
"A more suitable present or you won't come again!
What were you thinking? Could you not use your brain?"
And I found myself quickly thrown out in the lane.

For many weeks now I have thought, what to get?
a present befitting a Plantagenet.
a skipping rope, jewellery, a gold fishing net
but a spy glass I reckon is quite the best bet!”

“Then why take my box?”
asked the Master of Shocks,
“There isn't much time just look at my clocks!
surely you'd rather go down to the docks?”

“Oh no” said that mischievous Doctor of Locks
“You look so tired trying to carry that box!”

“Well that is so”, said the Master of Shocks,
“Thank you indeed! Now here is my box
we'll meet at the palace my friend, thanks a lot!
I hope you will not mind the burden you've got”

Oh no, thought the dastardly Doctor of Locks,
I don't mind at all now that I've got your box
and soon we shall see who is Master of Shocks
when I tell the Queen you're the one with the pox!

They will clap you in irons, for treason I'll paint
black villainy yes, I shall make my complaint
looking suitably pious like a careworn old saint.
I may even swoon, fall down in a faint!
Saying “Majesty, majesty! - Heed my complaint!”

Revenge is my wish - for my brother was Cox
that poor man who last felt the touch of your shocks…
When the bellows and brace could not loosen the knot
it was you that they got to make him spill the plot
and all of his friends in gaol now rot
save for me the grim spy and Doctor of Locks!

Happily, the villain bid his adieu
"Go off to the docks now, and good luck to you."
"Remember to bow, is my only advice!"
said the Master of Shocks -and was gone in a trice.
His footsteps on stone were soon lost in the mist
as the Doctor stood watching and waving a fist.

Then swirling his cape went the Doctor of Locks
laughing out loud and clutching his box.

.........................................................

thanks to Yu for the inspiration!
'doctor of locks' was actually a nonsensical phrase invented by a piece of translation software!:))