I wonder what the reviewer is going through in his life to compel him to say something so mean. Because that's not about you. Bad, this story is not. Not even a little bit. I confess I haven't had time to read it all, being between a day of yard work and a rare night out, but what I see, I recognize. Your work - creative and unexpected - fresh and clever, sometimes startling language use "flopped like something amphibian.
And there was the musty smell of noodles and packet sauce wafting up from the hairs on his chin."