wytchcroft

recently recovered piece of nonsense...

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And now we present this year’s exciting episode of Voyage to Wherever!

Strap in and belt up as our heroes, Captain James ‘Torch’ Beam, Lummy and Titch prepare for blast off.
Can they solve the mystery of the disappearing think tank? Do we care?
Are we supposed to believe that anyone even noticed? Find out now!

F/X; burble of sounds from Mission Control and the interior of Beam’s ship the BSS Inevitable.

Beam: everything ready lads?

Titch: Yes Torch.

Beam: Lummy?

Titch: What?! What is it Torch – where are they?! – Oh cripes, it’s a nightmare, a bleeding –

Beam: No, you buffoon, I meant Bill.

Lummy: Everything A Ok Captain. Ship shape and Bristol.

Beam: Righto. Look Titch, I know this is dangerous but really you can stop shaking now.
Honestly, I haven’t seen you shake so much since that time in the tent in Skegness. Oh Halcyon days...

Lummy: No Torch, I don’t think it’s that... look at the poor blighter.

Beam: You’re right- and he smells something awful.

Titch: (Sniffing) It’s all around us, oh my Lor’, everywhere, horrible, horrible!
Crawling over the ship – don’t let it in –

F/X; clunk!

Titch: Too late, we’ll die alone in the comic vastness of space, we’ll –

Beam: For heaven’s sake Titch, pull yourself together man, we haven’t even taken off yet!

Titch: Sorry Torch, must be my imagination.

Beam: Exactly.

Lummy: (whispers) But Captain, Titch doesn’t have an imagination!

Beam: I know Lummy, it’s obvious – this thing in the ship with us is not Titch!

All: gasp!

Titch: Arrgh!

Lummy: My God, you’re right Torch! What IS it?!?!

Beam: The question is – is that really some alien fiend sitting there doing...
Whatever that is it’s doing, it certainly looks nasty –
or has something vile somehow taken possession of poor Tich and is even now speaking to us through him.

Lummy: Beats me Captain.

Beam: I have an idea – quick, draw the curtains!